Over the past few days, or wait, over the past few months, to be honest, I have been constantly subjected to conversations that start off like...
"Oh my, you've become a big girl now!"
"How old are you?"
"Oh, you're done with studies now, aren't you?"
"(to my mother) Have you started looking out?"
These, and a few variations thereof, usually make me want to run far, far away or scream out at the person who starts off with this.
Because these "conversation starters" only end up going in one direction... that it's about time I "settle down" and got married!
And every time, the conversation ends up being a variation of the same script. To illustrate...
Me:
I am not ready for marriage yet!
Well-meaning person (My mom / aunt / neighbour / relatives / family friend / family friend's friend/...):
Beta, now is the right time. You are at your prime (whatever that means!). You will get the best choice of prospective matches now... And if not now, then when? (Here, I choose to ignore their rhetoricism and answer the question anyway)
Me:
Well... maybe in another 5 years or so is fine by me!
Well-meaning person:
ANOTHER 5 YEARS! That's too long! (Well, how do you know?) All the "good boys" will already be married by then! And you will have to choose from the "leftover" guys!
Me:
Look, I am sure I am not the only person who'll stay unmarried. There are so many people my age who are choosing to marry later, so I'm sure there will be a decent variety to choose from!
Well-meaning person:
See, look at ABC's daughter, she got such a good groom! He's a manager at DEF firm, and he's settled in the US! She must be your age! And look at your friend S! She also got such a nice guy! Look beta, there is a "right time" for everything! And when you have to do it sooner or later, then why not at the right time? If you delay your marraige for really late, then you might end up like KIL, who's so qualified, but who's gotten such a jerk for a husband! Or look at PRT, you know her so well now, don't you? She's so intelligent, so smart, but now she's not getting a good guy! So...
Me:
But that doesn't mean the same will happen to me! For all you know, it might be just the opposite in my case! And I am really not ready right now.
Well-meaning person:
You can atleast start "seeing" prospects right now, and you are under no pressure to say yes! (Yeah right!) If you find somebody, you never know!
Now, first things first. With all due respect... While I might be at the perfect age to marry, shouldn't I really get to decide when is the right time for me? Without worrying about anybody's disapproval. Without worrying about what "people will think". Or about what they will say. Why can't I be free to decide? Atleast about thing that might not even impact my entire neighbourhood! Isn't it so ridiculous?
And on a broader note, I know that being part of a society, there are some set ideas about what's acceptable and what's not. But shouldn't that be restricted to the public space? Why does it have to intrude into the private lives of its members, and dictate what's right and what's wrong?
Well, on a parting note. Marriage should be about choice, not a compulsion. And it should be about love, and nothing else.
What do you think?
As much as I empathise with you and your tribulations inflicted by so-called well meaning souls, take a moment to think about this. Assuming you believe in the concept of love and getting married etc etc,what's the harm in meeting a few men? Think of them as blind dates, perhaps? You don't like them, you move on. Going by the rough deadline you put forth (5 years), I'd imagine you'd be perfectly ready to be married to someone you meet in say 6 months-1yr. It takes time to find a nice person, and getting to know them etc etc.
ReplyDeleteSo, my point is if the primary criteria to getting married is falling in love, you never know what you might find, if you aren't looking. And is there any harm in just looking?